I won’t live with regret today Part 2

Erich settles carefully on the edge of the bed and begins unbuckling his boots, fingers absently moving through familiar motions as his mind turns his meeting with the unknown man over and over and over again, wondering if there’s something he could have done, or said, or not done that would have helped—

But he can’t think of anything. He can’t think of anything, and it feels like defeat but it also feels… right? Like the way Louis and Yakumo were careful — are still careful — to give him space when things become too much. Like the way Rin and Coco and Davis and then Mia and then even Jack and Eva picked up on the habit and sort of… drift… in and out of the edges of his vicinity, offering but not demanding

(The way Yakumo is currently moving about in the room, present but quiet, giving him time to process, time to think—)

He sighs and drops first one boot and then the second near the wall, followed by his socks, then begins to unbuckle his fingerless gloves, pulling the sturdy things from his arms and tossing them atop the nearby desk, ignoring Yakumo’s muffled laughter as several pages of Louis’ notes go scattering.

“Louis’ going to pout at you,” Yakumo’s warm voice says as he settles on the bed next to Erich. “I bet you’ve disturbed his very careful arrangement of documents.”

Erich snorts, takes his glasses off, and yanks his turtleneck over his head. “How many times have you told him to tidy up?” he asks, voice muffled by fabric as he pries the bit of clothing from his body and then finally tosses it aside. “I have had a very trying day,” he declares as he puts his glasses back on and stands up in order to undo his belt. “He won’t pout at me for very long.”

He can feel the weight of Yakumo’s gaze on him, and does his best not to let his fingers falter or his hands tremble; some days, being with Yakumo and Louis feels almost as natural as breathing, and other days, it still feels unreal, like something out of a dream or a nightmare—

(Which one depends on the day.)

—and this is definitely dream or nightmare territory at the moment, albeit not… quite for the same reasons as usual.

(There’s a question on the tip of his tongue and a statement echoing through his mind, and he wants to know the answer, wants to be reassured that he’s wrong, but…)

(His stomach is twisting into knots and part of him knows, knows, that he is not going to get that reassurance.)

Yakumo, thankfully, doesn’t press, just begins to work on removing his own bits and pieces of gear, laying them out on the bed beside him one after the next. 

Erich hesitates as he coils his belt up and sets it aside, before firming his jaw and making a questioning noise as he lets a hand drift towards Yakumo’s discarded gear; the man’s never refused Erich’s occasional offers to help put everything away, but it always feels a bit… wrong to do so, especially when Louis will probably arrive soon. Those two have been together for years, know each other inside and out—

(He does not blush at that unintentional turn of phrase.)

(He doesn’t.)

(Yakumo’s teasing little smile can disappear already!)

—and anyway it’s so irrational that this — a silent offer to put Yakumo’s gear away — is what usually makes him feel the most out of place, the most like an intruder, when he’s… when he’s… well…

(He’s seen them both naked, has run his hands down shivering skin, has touched — has been touched — in ways they’ve taught him are not for just anyone, has laid, limp and wrung out, in their arms, and these days it barely even makes him think twice, but this…)

(Handling Yakumo’s gear, or Louis’ gear, being allowed to put it away for them, being trusted like that, is… different somehow.)

Yakumo nods his permission, smile turning softer as he does, and Erich hastily snatches Yakumo’s equipment off the bed and heads towards the wardrobe before he can lose himself in embarrassment. He spends a few quiet minutes carefully putting everything away in its proper place, letting the motions begin to settle his emotions, and tries to put his thoughts in order.

The door opens and Erich casts a brief glance over his shoulder to check, but it’s just Louis stepping into their room and closing the door behind him, a thoughtful look on his face as he looks between them and then settles his attention on Erich.

“You wanted to speak to both of us when we had a moment?” Louis asks as he moves closer, hand reaching out and fingertips brushing against Erich’s bare arm in silent question. When Erich just slants him a faintly amused look, Louis leans in further and brushes a kiss against his cheek before stepping away again.

Erich gives Louis a small smile as he finishes putting the last of Yakumo’s gear away, then turns to face Louis and Yakumo properly. “I am… concerned about something the man at the ruin said to me,” he admits, smile falling away, then holds up a hand before either of them can interrupt. “Not in a ‘this is dangerous, avoid’ way, but…” he hesitates a moment, nibbling on his lower lip as he tries to think of the best way to explain his unease, then shrugs awkwardly and finishes with, “If I told either of you that ‘you tolerated my presence better than most’, how… how bad is that.”

Louis and Yakumo exchange looks that Erich tentatively classes as ‘worried’, before Yakumo clears his throat and says, “First, that’s uh, not exactly a good sign, you’re right about that. Either this guy tended to be around people who either hated or considered him a nuisance for some reason, or he’s not great at reading social cues, or he was forced into bad situations, or, hell, a combination of some or all of that plus things I’ve overlooked.”

“There are very few good reasons why someone would say something like that,” Louis agrees a touch grimly, arms crossing over his chest. “Did he say anything else?”

“He was very uncertain of if we were friends,” Erich explains as he pulls the man’s words back to mind. “He said he thought we were friends, but that I held my opinions close to my chest, and that ‘at the very least’ I tolerated him better than most.” He bites his lip again, debating if he really wants to reveal what happened next, only to start when Louis’ thumb brushes against the corner of his mouth.

“Enough of that,” Louis murmurs softly, as he gently presses down and tugs Erich’s lip from between his teeth. “There must be something big worrying you. Bigger than what you’ve already said.”

Erich huffs at him and tips his head away with a small scowl. “I don’t know if it’s bigger, but it’s… familiar, I guess?” he tries to explain, struggling to find the right words for why he cares so much; part of it is entirely the potential that the man knew who he used to be, but the rest is the familiarity of the pain, the desperate lean both into and away from such a small touch, the way he tensed and shivered, overwhelmed by everything, until he finally bolted when Yakumo arrived. “He reminded me of… me. Before. When Yakumo and I spent too long away and I became touch starved without realizing it.”

Louis and Yakumo share yet another probably worried look, communicating without words in a way Erich’s never quite learned how to interpret outside of combat situations, and then nod at each other.

“When you find him again, invite him back,” Louis says firmly. “We’ll find a place for him to sleep. Regardless of anything else, being alone is no way to live.”

“It may take a while to convince him,” Erich says, looking between Louis and Yakumo as he does. “I… may not even be able to find him again, if he decides he’s learned enough. If… if he was only staying in that area because it was something important to both of us, and now he knows that his Rerugen-san is dead…”

Yakumo stands and moves closer, pulling Erich into a loose hug the instant he’s in range. “The only thing you can do is try,” he says gently. “Sometimes people just don’t want help, or don’t want your help, you know? That’s their decision, and the only thing we can do is try to be convincing.”

Erich lets his head settle on Yakumo’s shoulder with a sigh and wraps his arms loosely around Yakumo’s waist, letting his partner take some of his weight as he soaks up the offered support. It isn’t long before he feels Louis join in, his arms looping around both Yakumo and Erich and his forehead coming to rest against the side of Erich’s head. 

Their presence, their warmth, is a comfort that Erich doubts he’ll ever grow tired of, no matter how long he’s permitted to have it. It’s certainly something that he didn’t even know existed as a possibility just a few months ago, and now… well, now he doesn’t want to be without it. 

“Besides, you still have that weird hat that I’m assuming is his,” Yakumo says after a long moment, breaking the silence that had begun to settle. “Maybe that will be enough to convince him to show back up.”

“Weird… hat?” Louis asks as he pulls away a bit. “Erich?”

Erich shrugs awkwardly and lets go of Yakumo with one hand, pointing to where he’d set the hat on the corner of the desk. “He dropped it and I picked it up without thinking,” he mumbles into Yakumo’s shoulder, a bit embarrassed by the admission; he probably should have just left it behind so the man could pick it back up later, but by the time he’d realized that they were already back at the mistle and ready to teleport back to their home base.

Louis pulls back a bit from the hug to take a look, and then murmurs, “Well that’s… that’s certainly a hat,” after a moment, amusement lingering in his voice.

“Isn’t it?” Yakumo agrees with a small bark of laughter. “Wonder if the rest of the guy is as interesting.”

“We’ll find out later, if he decides to take us up on the offer,” Louis points out as he takes a small step back and starts to nudge Yakumo and Erich towards the bed. “There’s no point in speculating at the moment, however, so I suggest we all get some rest.”

Yakumo makes a soft noise of agreement and tugs Erich along, shuffling backwards until he suddenly pitches backwards with a quiet yelp, pulling both of them down onto the bed with a soft thump.

Erich groans and shoves himself off of Yakumo. “Louis is my new favorite,” he mutters as he pulls himself properly onto the bed and sets his glasses on the little table nearby. 

“Aww, Erich, I’m wounded!” Yakumo jokes as he sits up and reaches out to yank Louis down with them. “Though I suppose I can see the appeal,” he adds, right before he steals a kiss.

Erich rolls his eyes and sits up to pull his undershirt off, giving Louis and Yakumo a moment to themselves; he has no doubt that he’ll be pulled into it soon enough — not that he’s complaining, either — but he appreciates a moment to breathe and refocus his thoughts, and they both know it. 

And in any case, Louis is right: there’s nothing they can do about the unknown man right now, so he’ll take what distractions he can get.

(Not that Louis and Yakumo have to try very hard anymore.)

(He’s still not quite sure what most emotions are, but this…)

(He’s pretty sure this is love.)

(And he never wants to give it up.)

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